Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
