This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
