do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
