This girl is more easily done than said...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
