i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
