i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
