based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
