Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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