Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
