Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
