barbara walters just said penis...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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