I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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