one word: firstdatebathroomanal
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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