Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Small penises have feelings too.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My ass is underappreciated
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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