He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
