people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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