oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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