one two three fourrrrnication!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
