I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
