dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
