If i come over, it means nothing
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
