so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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