like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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