Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
