When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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