I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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