It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
