I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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