I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
