i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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