I can text with my tongue
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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