Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
