Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
