I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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