I smell stomach acid.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
