Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
