You work out of a Hotel?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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