how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
