I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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