i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
