I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
