Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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