No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
