This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
