In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
