i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
