Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
