we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
