I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The power of my boobs compel you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
