please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
