I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
